I haven't blogged in a bit because the loss of my mom is settling into my life. And now that I am more comfortable with that, I am stuck in the precarious position of assisting my dad through his last days. Cancer is an amazing and somewhat awesome disease. Just when you think you have it beat, it rears its ugly head, flips you the proverbial "bird" and takes hold. I am really, really, really tired of this shitty disease.
Dad is undergoing his last treatment in a little over twelve hours from now and then he will begin the journey to join Mom. I know it's what he wants and where he wants to be, but I'm selfish and I want him here. I want to have one parent around. I want my kids to have one grandparent to show up at the communion, confirmation, prom, graduation, wedding. Sadly, I won't get what I want. God only gives you what you can handle and I'm really sick of his decision that this is what I can handle. My brothers and sisters and I deserve a break. But we're not getting one this time.All this crap just brings up the worst memories and images for me, for all six of us. Once you know how tough this all is, you really don't want to revisit it. That, unfortunately, is not an option for us now. I guess the only light at the end of this tunnel is that Mom and Dad will be together again. He is pretty lost without her, so it's about time she came to get him. I just wish she would wait a bit longer.
No comments:
Post a Comment